Irony

You know that Alanis Morisette song? Ironic? 

"A traffic jam when you're already late, a no smoking sign on your cigarette break..it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife." 

Yeah, that one. 

6 months have passed since I walked away from a career. I knew it was time to go. Every day, I'd look out the window and I swear I'd see a flashing sign that says "You have choices. Stop wasting your life doing something that makes you feel this awful." 

You'd think I was dissecting children for a living. No, I was just selling groceries. Utterly bored and uninspired, but earning a salary. The only thing (well, a couple of people, too) that I dearly miss. 

I had prayed for 4 years (at least) that the company would offer severance packages. I was not quiet about wanting to volunteer for one if the option was ever there. It would be the perfect scenario. I would get a year of salary while I was soul searching. It's easier to figure life out when you don't have to worry about money. My wish never came. And I was so tired of depending on a "what-if" scenario as my escape route. 

Yesterday, the company came through. My favorite co-worker received her golden ticket. The holy grail package. She gets to go and for a year, will be paid to do whatever it is that she wants to do. Did someone just kick me in the stomach? 

There Alanis, put that in your ironic pipe and smoke it.

I have no idea why life works this way but the dots are supposed to connect some day. We all get what we need, but without understanding the larger picture, it's hard not to wonder why it appears to work for some and not others. 

I'm living in envy land right now. When you're self-employed and working alone, you need to find a ladder out of this place. Stat! It's unproductive and self destructing to live here. 

Since I don't know how the dots connect, I'm going to assume that I needed the experience. The thought rungs to get me out of this envy land;

-Maybe I needed the experience to trust my inner whispers enough to make the decision to go without a safety net. 

-the experience to be gutsy, to believe in myself without knowing the future

-maybe I needed the kick so I could have a success story one day that is a testament to "following your inner compass".

-maybe I inspired one other person to act on their heart

I'm not sure of much lately, but I do know we have the power to chose our reactions. Every single one of them. 

I'm going to choose to keep trudging along. To just "do me" and know there has to be something to all this "follow your joy" propaganda. 

I'm going to celebrate my co-workers luck and talk her off the ledge when she's feeling stuck because after all, I have 6 months more experience at this than she does.

Oxygen Stealers

I've inherited the presence of people in my life. We don't share any DNA, but we do share oxygen about 3 times a year. 

We do not, however, share any of the same values. He doesn't get me, I don't get him. 

I am female and do not share blood so according to his rules of social engagement, I'm usually classified somewhere between fly on a cow's ear and discarded potato peelings.

You get what you give. 

I broke his rules. I quit a job. He can't take it. And now he wants to talk. I can't explain anything to someone who can't control their eyebrows. (Which, at this point, are permanently raised and possibly twitching...)

I can't explain happiness to someone that doesn't ever entertain the possibility of it. I don't know how to explain joy when it's never been a priority. And I certainly can't maintain a conversation when hope and potential isn't in someone's vocabulary.

My ego wants to punch him. My heart wants to give him a hug. My brain wants to prove him wrong. Such a dismal existence. (I realize I'm giving him power by writing this post.)

I've curated a brief list (for him, myself, and anyone else who may have inherited an oxygen stealer in their life) of people who followed their instinct. 

-Walt Disney was a newspaper editor. Quit. (Was actually fired.)

-Ellen Degeneres. Paralegal. Quit.

-Harrison Ford. Carpenter. Quit.

-Ken Jeong (Mr. Chow from the Hangover) Doctor. Quit.

-Joy Behar (host of the View) Teacher. Quit.

-Julia Child. Spy. Quit.

-Martha Stewart. Stockbroker. Quit.

-Jesus. Carpenter. Quit.

(There's that or A very appropos pin..)

A little "Woo-woo" Going on Around Here..

I'm experiencing a whole lotta "woo-woo" going on in my life. It's almost as if I have to document it for posterity's sake--to remind myself when the beginner's luck runs out, that IT is real. What is "woo-woo", you ask? It's those weird, unexplainable, perfectly timed occurrences that seem to happen at random. Is it luck? Is it fate? Is it the universe? I dunno. Its those moments that make you take note--like there just might be something larger than yourself at work because this coincidence is just too much of a coincidence.

I'm getting ahead of myself......

3 weeks ago, I did it. I resigned from my job. 20 years of service, 8 weeks of vacation, a chunky salary, a company car, a 401K, and medical benefits. (Ummmmmm....I still have moments of what in the hell where you thinking? As I reread this even..)

BUT, I was selling my life hours to do something that was killing my soul. Daily. I hated who I was when I was there. Every day I was on the brink of tears; I was a fraud. I lost any curiosity I had, I was simply existing. I wasn't adding value, I simply didn't care. Every day, waiting until it was time to go home so I could be me. Only by the time the day ended, I was so exhausted from pretending to be high performing, passionate, positive me there wasn't anything left. I wasted entire weeks of my life waiting for it to be Friday. 

You could sum it up into two quotes:

{"When one is pretending, the entire body revolts."  Anais Nin}  

{"She never knew the weight until she felt the freedom." The Scarlet Letter}

Now about the woo-woo. 

Have you read, "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho? I have. Twice. The first time, I read it. The second time, I felt it.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it. 

If you're exhausted, just flip to page 24 and 25. ( I have the 25th Anniversary edition so these page #'s may not match if you pick up a different copy...)

" And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

This is the woo-woo. Little universe bread crumbs leading me, reminding me that I made the right decision. That and this weird, light feeling to be excited to get up in the morning again.

 

I'll keep you posted...

What if you changed your perspective?

In what I like to call my "big girl life", I work for a large food company. I spend a lot of time sitting in meetings learning about macro trends in the world. The economics of the average family and how much (or little) they have to spend on groceries.

Our office building is smack dab in the middle of a major city. Walking down the street, I am often stung by the irony of corporate executives stepping out of the way for the legless, homeless man to navigate the city sidewalks in his duct taped wheelchair.

The homeless lady who yells obscenities at the wind.

The trumpet guy with his dirty instrument case, entertaining the more financially fortunate on their lunch breaks for an hourly wage of $3.18-all in change.

How does this happen?

All I know is that when I think about changing my life, I know this. I like a warm bed in my cozy house, a shower whenever I want, medical insurance, a foofoo cup of coffee every now and then and not worrying if I spend more than $1.38 per person per day to feed my family. I know, my chaos is someone else's heaven. #getoveryourself

Every "big girl" career decision I've ever made has been mostly about the salary. In my twisted thought process; the larger the salary, the less I have to worry. (Which for the record, I'm fantastic at.)

I often justify this head job by thinking; your kids can go to college, they can get new shoes when they need them, you don't have to wait until the next paycheck, they can join obnoxiously expensive show choir, they can go to camp.

By doing this job and trading my life hours for a paycheck, we turn can'ts into cans. I can give them opportunity, knowledge, experience and choices. 

That's a lot of power and responsibility given to a j-o-b.

So you can understand how the thought of wanting to quit isn't just about the job.

If I quit, they suffer. I worry. We become the statistics. I become the wind yeller.

Only, what if we don't?
 

http://youtu.be/je3rQevW-cw

 

 

A wannabe who may be...

It's a glorious Saturday, but let's be honest,it's going to be better than usual for the next 22 days. I'm on sabbatical (WHAT!?) for a short time and since the odds of it happening again match the lottery winning cadence, I'm going to revel....and be aware. 

I can't just be on sabbatical without a plan so I'm taking this course. Once and for all, I'm going to devote the next 22 days to making art. 

My selfie and for right now, logo of rebekaha designs

(And if I get nothing else out of this, I'll have at least learned something, right?)

So my "ahas" for the week:

-I hate the word "deserve". There is nothing in life we deserve. Everything is a choice. 

-In order to G.E.T., we must A.S.K. (I've been talking about sabbaticals for a few years, but never thought to ask for one. Duh...)

 

-Believe in yourself. Be scared. Just do.

-Sometimes, just finishing something, can set you free. I felt so much pressure to finish week 1's assignment that I declared myself done yesterday. I was so tired of trying to make it "good" and stay within the rules that I forgot to have fun.

-Sometimes experimenting can lead to a happy accident. 

-"Step" size in Photoshop= polka dots!

Week One's assignment was to design a bolt fabric using fruit and casserole dishes in a vintage-y kitchen theme. Meh. None of it was inspiring to me but I reminded myself that illustration clients don't care if you're inspired, they just want finished and fabulous. 

I started doodling....and had no idea what would come out of this. I had no idea how to design these doodles AND keep my style, my preference for clean graphic fabric, and the subject matter within the rules. 

(Note, none of the above doodles made the cut.) My assignment was done! Loved it; boldly graphic, was very much me, and had a message-SUCCESS! 

Until Friday, when I watched Lilla's video to our class. I heard 2 things in that 19 minute video; "your talent is not finite" AND "I don't want to see polka dots. Any in-house graphic team can create a polka dot. Use your icons, make it special." Yep, I'm a polka dot offender. BUT, I did finish and frankly, I love those damn dots. 

Since I was done, there wasn't any pressure to create something new. So, I sat down with my coffee this morning and messed around with my design. 

I started a new polka dot pattern and filled a layer with a pattern instead of filled a new layer (sorry, photoshop geek talking) and what happened was a bold graphic vintage-y pattern. I went with it and I'll be damned--love this one more. 

So, that's week 1, I had NO idea this was in me last week. Life is short. Lick the damn bowl.

18 Years.

Almost 50% of marriages today end in divorce.

This year, especially, my husband and I have been bombarded with this news; couples that have been a constant in our lives, are no longer. It always leaves us shocked, sad, & dumbfounded. I listen to these people and hear the very same situations & feelings we’ve experienced. “What is the tipping point?”, I always wonder. Sometimes I can understand, and sometimes I just don’t get it.

Whatever love gods were at work when Mister & I were “matched”, they were on their “A” game that day. This is not to say it is love rainbows and unicorns over here.

 

Far, very far, from it. The running anecdote in our house is, “You may not be perfect, but you’re perfect for me.”

 

{Throw Back--Circa 1993ish}

Sketchy Sunday

It's been a long few weeks over here so today was my day.

Spent a few hours filling up pages in my journal--thought I'd share.

"If I don't do something creative, my head might explode."

Tuesday. (Again. )
Although class is over, still sketching.
(And listening to the Miss Rebekah playlist, the one that shuts down any negativity--it IS Tired Tuesday, you know.)

This one was a happy accident: Papermate felt tip black marker + water--I love the streak-y-ness.

And sketching some more..



 

And then playing to make poster art...

 

 

 

 

 



Steve Jobs: The Notes

 The man left a legacy & I can't help myself from watching his Youtube speech over & over again. I'm updating my resume simply because it's on my list of 2013 "Woosa" to-dos. Makes me feel more ready when the "right" opportunity unfolds--gives me the sense that I am in control (dang control freak tendencies).

 

Plus, I think updating it regularly is probably a good habit to get into.

(AND IT HELPS YOU SEE THE DOTS CONNECTING)

 

Job's words give me hope of dots connecting, and patience. I created myself some notes & slipped it into my junk journal--no forgetting that to be great, you must have some courage. (Plus, I really like to practice graphic note taking..) 

 

 



Graphic Recording: Notes on Blogging

Ever heard of "Graphic Recording"?

{These people are resident experts at it if you'd like to read more...}

 

I was more than mildly intrigued after I attended a meeting where the graphic recorder captured three days of notes on 2 huge pieces of paper--all in pictures. All of our sales team's thoughts and words from those 3 days were transcribed into a mural.  

 

My heart did a little leap to think of the possibility. The possibility that my insane doodling during meetings could actually be beneficial.

 

The possibility of a career I never even knew existed.

 

As you can imagine-- fluffy, arty, alternative "notes" are not high on the priority list in corporate offices with restricted budgets.

 

(It's important to note, that the year I experienced this was a fab-o year of sales for our team. The laws of business are similiar to gravity; what goes up usually must also come down.)

 

My little spark of "possibility" was momentarily extinguished (until I can figure out the magic ROI formula) but that didn't stop me from practicing.....plus doodling helps me pay attention.

 

If you are a blogger (or want to be one),  maybe my "practice" can help you figure out what the hell to write about.

{The below is just my opinion on blogging....I make no claims to be an expert.)

 

 

 

 

I'll let you know if & when I ever get to be a real graphic recorder but In the meantime, I'll keep practicing. If you have any ideas on where to start, I'd love to hear them.

 

Flow, Ephemera, & Teachers

 I felt like career counseling in 1992 consisted of selecting one of 4 paths; lawyer, doctor, teacher or psychologist. I had no desire to be any of these.

 

 When I think about it, I often hear my dad's voice telling me, "You'd make a wonderful teacher."

Blah. I had no desire to play referee to a bunch of kids who HAD to be in my classroom. It takes a special patience to do this day in and out. Patience I don't have.

 

 I never took even one art class in high school--why? Because I was too busy trying to be a psychologist? Three letters for you: W.T.F.

 

There is some crazy freedom in creating for me; a calm in the crazy. Do others crave this? I have to believe that they do.

 

Remember we talked about the spirit of "Woosa" for 2013? Part of that, for me, is to help others find it. Sometime this year, I'm going to teach (Yes, Dad. Teach) an abridged art journaling class. 4 week, 1 hour sessions.

 

I like to plan & prepare so I started building the prototype for this class. A hodgepodge of techniques I've learned and a twist of crazy.

 

{Cover}

 

Zee Junk Journal---full of crap from my life.

{the inside cover -you can download & print this very bookplate here}

 

{the inside}
 

{the title page--a must}

 More on this later, but if you are intrigued, stay tuned....

Since we are talking about paper love, I have to share this very fabulous magazine I came across at church (er, Barnes & Noble) the other day...Allow me to introduce my newest favorite mag:

"FLOW"
 

The quote and this graphic had me before I even opened it

 

 This is the first international version of this Dutch magazine--If I were an editor, THIS is exactly what I would create. The pages themselves are also a delight- they are printed on mixed media. Glossy and matte paper makes turning every page seriously fun!

Big Girl Coloring Pages; you've got to be kidding me?

Free paper!! These wrapping paper samples are full-size! Someone, pinch me!

The Table of Contents




All this paper AND talk of mindfulness? SOLD!

 

If you're a paper whore, this magazine is worth every penny....Plus serious material for your junk journal. 

Journal Junking

Happy New Year! Spent the Christmas holiday break trying wanting to cram in every last art project I've been dying to complete.

Only,I just couldn't find the mojo--so I cleaned my studio instead. And lo & behold, these patterns kept bugging me--pages of random patterns & neon paint; my apartment in Paris has this very wallpaper in the bedroom.

(That is if I had a Parisian apartment...but what the hell as long as we are using our imaginations...)

Instead of sewing a replica of SJP's ballgown (I swear some day I will recreate that damn minty thing, and WEAR it. ), I tried to journal every day. Some days it was one page, others 3 or 4. Regardless, I find (found) the "Woosa" everytime.

The word of 2013: "Woosa"

(I don't do resolutions 'cause surprise, surprise, I never finish them.That list thing sends me over the edge staring @ me to complete it. Blah.) 

Instead I'll choose a magic word-a reminder word, a conscious state of mind to revert back too.I vow to find the "woosa" in every day. 

(It's a verb, but I've deemed it a noun for this year.)

One of the things I've also learned (but have a hard time practicing) is summed up by this: "Your light cannot shine brighter unless you share it with other people." 

Just to start practicing the art of the share & the almighty woosa that was attained while doodling, You can click HERE.   to see more journal pages.

No judging and if you are, I simply don't want to hear about it. I swear and I scribble. Enough said.

Which leads me to the last of my 2013 awareness challenges; to be a dynamic woman who owns her shit, deals with it, and stops apologizing for it. 

Get your word of the year ready...we've got some growing to do.

Yuletide Groove

Maybe this happens to every mama once their kids get big-the unChristmas spirit. The believing is gone, the magic subsides, and you’re left with a dusty, broken, and incredibly fake Christmas tree that no one wants to help you decorate.

 

Even you don’t know if you can muster the gumption to dig the thing out of the storage room.

 

IF you find it in your heart to just wrestle the tree up the stairs, you know for sure you do not have it in you for the rest of the yuletide paraphernalia you’ve accumulated.

And as long as we’re being truthful, you aren’t really sure if you ever really liked stuffed snowmen and ceramic replicas of Tiny Tim’s village OR if they just symbolized something greater.

 

The talk of “Something greater” always brings me here: nostalgic and wanton for those feety-pajamed little kids. A six year old would never allow this seasonal apathy.

 

Sadly (or not), finding a few more feety-pajamaed, giggly, tow-headed toddlers to play with is out of the question for us so I needed another route to find my spirit.

(Because the truth is, even these “reluctant to help”, non-believer big kids would balk if Christmas went ignored in this house.)

 

No joy would come of unstacking the 500 boxes of Christmas crap to get to that stupid tree, so I did what any resourceful person would do. Bought a new one; a fresh start for my holiday spirit.

 

Completely untraditional (and really cheap) tree that everyone, Big Mister included, thought was the dumbest and most unChristmas idea on the earth.

 

Behold…the chic, glittery, color coordinated key to getting my mojo back.

 

 

(flash)

 

(no flash)

 

 I spent the next few days, jazzed to get Christmas back.

I chalked some art for above the fireplace (thrilled!) and added nothing but a few pops of “red” at the request of the mister. No snowmen, no houses, no candy canes—nothing I didn’t love.

 

I do love a twist of the traditional, so I set about making small pieces of our family’s tradition visible; a little here, a little there.

 

Our stockings and my inheritance (a set of hand embroidered alphabet ornaments by my mom back in the 70’s that I was just given a few years ago) We used these as kids on our Christmas tree--I treasure every last letter.

 

 

The nerd girls that I've been whipping up, finally, have a place to live.

 

 

See? She's super happy to be living at the corner of Glittery & White.

 

 

And so is she...

 

 

It's a party under the tree over here...

 

Breathe, Focus, Pray, & Color (a ripped off title from Pinterest)

{Via Work is not a Job}

Sundays usually remind me that Monday is tomorrow.

And Mondays remind that I haven't done a thing to stop the dread.

{For the record, I'm officially tired of wasting my life waiting for Fridays.}

No new revelations today. Just sharing the ladies that keep creeping out of me.

This shirt is at the shop and from the minute I saw it, I wanted to draw it.

We also got in a slew of new bejeweled hair clippies and the packaging was less than Stash worthy. This card allows the clippy to sit in her "hair" and if you ask my packaging junkie brain, "Why, yes, I'll take one in every color."

After Letter Whimsy 1.0 AND 2.0 classes, I lettered (and doodled) this as a thank you to the artist.

Those classes were serious therapy for this caged (er, cubed) sales analyst.

{Her class is still available if you need a brain break.}

This one is also a "work in progress" packaging lady for the shop..

Is there a Fortune 500 company out there that needs a doodler on staff?

{Just for the sake of giving credit where it is due...the pinterest pin that inspired this post's title.}

FireGirl Inspirations to Escape Cube Life

My Oprah girl forwarded me another e-bar* see definition below
*(e-bar: a chocolate electronic Snicker Bar for your soul in the form of links to inspiring web sites)

This bar was extra fattening, a whole chapter of goodness that felt creepily similiar to every thought I've had in the past 5 years.

"The Fire Starter Sessions| A soulful + practical guide to creating suceess on your own terms"- Danielle Laporte

{You can read Chapter 1, too..go here. And pre-order the book, or if you're in my hood, you can borrow mine when I'm finished.}

A multi tasker by nature, I was simultaneously taking this art class as I read Chapter 1. The class was a 12 session hand lettering tutorial (an Almond Joy e-bar, if you will.)

Well, duh.

Danielle's words and lettering practice= Visual Cue Cards of Inspiration to Escape the Cube Life.

I've created a download for you if you, too, need some daily inspiration to be great.

{Click here to download, print, and stick everywhere to remind you....}

My personal favorite that is in my own very grey cube is, "You didn't sign up for good enough. You signed up for awesome."

"I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know something's starting right now. Wandering free, wish I could be. Part of that world...) Have you seen the Little Mermaid?

Here's to getting your legs, and lighting yourself up!

{And if you've done either, I'd love to hear your story...}

Geek Girl Artistry

{Get your very own printable version here.}

Very much still in burn-out (or on the verge of anyways) mode.

I love to design. And I love to learn. Hmmm...learn design.

Today, I set out on trying to learn how to use a clipping mask in my graphics program.

(I don't have Photoshop. Santa, are you listening?)

I run across tutorials for PS and then I have to try and figure out a way to do the same things in Paint Shop Pro. (The ghetto version of PSP--only because I think the license was $47 vs. $470.)

So Ghetto Graphic Designers, your geekery for today:

-a clipping mask tutorial for Paint Shop Pro.

{The word "fork" in the above was a sucess in clipping mask action.}

&

-a lesson in installing/using PS .abr brush files in PSP.

Besides that....

I've been creating a little......"Paris" (it's an oldie, but a goodie)

And the "Found & Bound Workshop": An e-course in Art Journaling..

I think you can still sign up for the class--there's a little banner on the right side of this blog to take you to the "guru of art journals."

{Page 10..."Smart girls are beautiful." Especially when they wear their glasses.}


{Page 4. The first page I ever did....I feel like this 6/10ths of every day.
I hear the song..."Take me away..to a better place..." every Monday-Friday when I enter my very grey cube.}

{Page 9.."Free of Blah, Blah, Blah...especially like the blue lipstick, (or hair :)}

{The cover--bound by yours truly with waxed cord a la some ancient Japanese bookbinding techniques.}

I'm off to do some more geekery....and meditate.

Monday: Mental Health Day

After devouring one of my fave magazines yesterday, I came across this sentence from an "Are You on the Road to Burnout?" article:

"It's not that you aren't a caring, compassionate person; it's just that you hate everyone. "

Yep. Pretty much sums it up.

In light of this, I declared today a mental health day and decided to do what I do. Drink coffee, read blogs, and glue the hell out of something.

(Only after I waste some significant life hours on Pinterest...you can follow me here, if you like. )

I saw this photo on a blog I read, pinned it, and got down to business...

{Photo courtesy of Allison @ Little Lovelies}

They turned out soooooooooo very cute. While my head was occupied (in a zen-like) state trying not to hot glue my fingers together, I had an idea.

I think we've talked about my obsession with lovely packaging before..and nothing has changed.

These little bookmarkers would make such a cute gift.

{And please don't start the old e-reader spiel. I like real pages, broken spines, notes in the margins, passages highlighted, the smell of the paper, and the whole idea of a real book. Get off my ass. I'm on the road to burnout. Talk to me about the Nook another day.}

Where were we? Oh yes, such a cute gift but presentation is essential when giving a handmade present.

A library card! Yes, attach these little lovelies to an old library card. A special library card that I have designed. A little library card to go with your little lovelies that I am going to share with you!

{Download Library Card Template here}

For the perfect gift for the old school reader in your life:

-Go make your bookmarks. It's felt, hot glue, and paperclips.

-Download and print the library card. I used vanilla-ish colored card stock to print it out on.
-Punch a small hole in the side of the card and clip your book mark to it.

-I found this "Library Card Pocket" template that you could make for you card.

If you are going to use this pocket, the card fits pretty tight. So trim off as much as you can when you cut the library cards apart. Yes, Part of the little girl's body will get cut off. Just follow the lines, it'll be ok.

-For that most special reader, tuck a bookstore gift card in the pocket with the library card. And/or some homemade bookplates...I like these, but I'm sure there are freebies everywhere.

I'd say a successful (if not perfect) mental health day.

I'll leave you and myself this one final reminder:

{Via Lindsey TePastte Kloeckner on Pinterest}