Friday, October 17, 2008

Random Peeves

I’m sick of the presidential races, my 401K is losing by double digits, the earth’s ozone layer is deteriorating and now Big Foot is endangered vs. mythical, and what’s my problem? I’m not doing much to solve the world’s problems. Bigger fish to fry, you say?

Random Thoughts of Peevishness..

-As a subscriber, a magazine should appear in my mailbox BEFORE it appears on a newsstand shelf.

-When purchasing online and some sort of “feedback” is optional, please leave some. Think of it as an alternative “Thank You” card.

-You go to bed early, exhausted with a headache. You’re out, the TV is left on. Three hours after your “declaration of illness”, your wife silently slips into bed and WOW! you’ve miraculously recovered enough to no longer be tired. Seriously?

-Please put things back where you found them. If you do not, then do not roll your eyes when I remind you for the millionth time AND…..the leopard scissors,yeah, FABRIC ONLY!

-How many ways can you mix ground hamburger, a Campbell’s cream based soup, and corn? I’m banning “Hotdish” from my house.

-I have to go here and I apologize in advance but really; honest feedback is a gift. Painful? Yes. Life changing? Potentially.
If you have, or have had, this hairstyle, at one time either: a.) You deemed yourself hip enough to pull it off or B.) Your hairdresser talked you into it.

(P.S I had it too, courtesy of Option A. and No, this is not a photo of anyone we know. )

Ladies, “Roadrunner Hair” is OVER.

“Roadrunner Hair” (I cannot take credit for the label) is this hairstyle phenomenon that looks as if you’ve been running at mach one with a bottle of hairspray clipped where your ipod should be. You’ve taken off, un-holstered the Aqua Net, and spritzed like hell to get your hair to stand up on end-only in the back.

This crusty hair mimics porcupine tines and emits subliminal messages to others that yes, little old you, has the potential to poke out a few eyes.

I am not a hairdresser (although at 9, I yearned to be one) and am, myself, growing out the “Posh Spice” bob. I have also been known to get the “cheap shampoo” lecture from my own hair guru.

I do know, however, that there is a scant percentage of women that can pull off spiked hair-in any form.

Those that can:
-Women with gray hair. The “spunkier”, the better. If your hair has grayed, you’ve earned it.
-Those that have artist or stylist anywhere on their resume.
-Those who can deal with a mess. Spiked hair is meant to be askew. If you fold your underwear, probably not a style for you.
-Those that can be stylish in both hair AND dress. If your wardrobe consists of sweats in every color and oversized sweatshirts, forget it.

This would mean that if you’ve none of the credentials listed above, stop the insanity.

Stop the roadrunner-it’s the same thing as 90’s bangs, 80’s feathers—it’s in the past. You’ve perfected it already-Brava! Now in 2030, you can help your grandchildren recreate the style for “Retro Day”.

1 comment:

Stacey said...

Who the hell got the roadrunner??